It was my first time ever
And I'll never forget
I'd do it again
Without a single regret.
The sky was dark
The moon was high
We were all alone
Just she and I.
Her hair was soft
Her eyes were blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do.
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine.
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
I started by placing
My hands on her breast.
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread
Her legs apart.
And when I did it
I felt no shame
All at once
The white stuff came.
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time ever
At milking a cow...

GOTCHAAAA................................HAHAHAHA...

So golf is supposedly a gentleman's game, eh?
Here we show you why the gentlemen really prefer golf!
The 10 things in golf that sound really, err, dirty!

1. Look at the size of his putter.

2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.

3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.

4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.

5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.

6. Lift your head and spread your legs.

7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.

8. Just turn your back and drop it.

9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.

10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me. Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this: "You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love.

" This was how I saw it: As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds.

This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love ... They try to posses it, they demand, they expect ... And just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve from you. For love is meant to be free,

You can not change its nature.

Give and don't expect.
Advise, but don't order.
Ask, but never demand.

It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to truly practice.

It is the secret to true love. To truly practice it, you must sincerely feel no expectations from those who you love, and yet an unconditional caring.

TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO ! "!!

TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !

************ *****
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!

TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!

************ *****
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"

TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

************ *****
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...

TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

************ *****
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of " COINCIDENCE?"

PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."

************ *****
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"

PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"

************ *****
PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?

************ *****
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !

PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.

************ *****
TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?

PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to , my mom is a good cook.

************ *****
TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as yourbrother's. Did you copy his ?

PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !

************ ****
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

PAPPU: A teacher

"Well, Bill," said God, "I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell! After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in the world, and yet you created that infernal Windows. I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"

Mr. Gates replied, "Well, thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?"
God said, "You can take a peek at both places briefly if it will help you decide. Shall we look at Hell first?"
"Sure!" said Bill. "Let's go!"

Bill was amazed! He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, lying in the water,
laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was just perfect!!

Bill said, "This is great! If this is Hell, I can't wait to see Heaven!" To which God replied, "Let's go!" and off they went.

Up in Heaven, Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice, but surely not
as enticing as Hell. Mr. Gates thought for only a brief moment and rendered his decision.

"God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell."
"As you desire," said God.....

Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how things were going. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming among the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons.
"How ya doin,' Bill?" asked God.
Bill responded with anguish and despair. "This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! ....What happened to the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?"

"Oh, THAT!" said God............. "That was the screen saver!"

• They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.
• This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to.
• I was working smarter - not harder.
• Whew! I must have left the top off the whiteout.
• I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!
• This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!
• I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.
• I'm in the management training program.
• I'm actually doing a Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan (SLEEP). I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.
• This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!
• I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?
• Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.
• The coffee machine is broken....
• Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot.
• Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off.
• Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!
• I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands.
• The mail courier flipped out and pulled a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot.

It's not the fault of the student if he fails, because the year ONLY has 365' days.

Typical academic year for a student:

1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest.
Days left 313.

2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study.
Days left 263.

3. 8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE.
Days left 141.

4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days.
Days left 126.

5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing properly & swallowing)means 30days.
Days left 96.

6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days.
Days left 81.

7. Exam days- per year at least 35 days.
Days left 46.

8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days.
Balance 6 days.

9. For sickness- at least 3 days.
Remaining days=3.

10. Movies and functions - at least 2 days.
1 day left.

11. That 1 day is your birthday. How can you study on that day??????!!!!!!!!!!
Balance = 0

"How can a student pass ???????????"

• The oldest national flag still in existence, that of Denmark, dates back to the 13th century
• The longest movie made lasts 85 hours and is fittingly titled "The Cure for Insomnia.
• The world's highest cricket ground is in Chail (HP), India, 2444 mts above sea level.
• The most common disease in the world is tooth decay
• Ninety percent of all species that have become extinct have been birds
• The youngest Pope was 11 years old.
• The quickest ascent of Everest, in 10 hours, 56 minutes, was achieved by Sherpa Lhakpa Gelu
• The longest fence in the world is in Australia and it runs for over 3,436 miles (5,530 km)
• The country with the most Post offices is India with over 152,792 compared with just over 38,000 in the United States.

Imam Ali (AS) was endowed with a quick, sharp, incisive, mathematical mind. Here are a few interesting stories in which Imam Ali's mathematical brilliance revealed itself.

Imam Ali's Mathematical Brilliance: DIVIDING INHERITANCE
What is a wife's share?
Imam Ali (AS) was once interrupted while he was delivering a sermon from the pulpit by someone who asked him how to distribute the inheritance of someone who had died leaving a wife, his parents and two daughters?

The Imam instantly answered: "The wife's share becomes one ninth."
 

How?
This answer is in fact the result of a long analysis with a number of steps. Ordinarily, we have to decide on the original share of each of these heirs, in the following way:
The wife takes one eighth, in view of the presence of an inheriting child. [Holy Quran 4:12]
The deceased's father and mother take one sixth each. [Holy Quran 4:11]
The two daughters take two thirds of the inheritance. [Holy Quran 4:11]
So the total will be:
1/8 + 1/6 + 1/6 + 2/3 = 3/24 + 4/24 + 4/24 + 16/24 = 27/24

This means the share becomes less than 1/8 in view of the increase of the total of the shares which are so fixed and prescribed. So the one eighth, the original share due to the wife out of twenty-four total shares, has become three shares out of a total of twenty-seven, which is one ninth.

Imam Ali's mind went through this complex mathematical process in a second!

Imam Ali's Mathematical Brilliance: WHOLE NUMBER AND NOT A FRACTION

One Day a Jewish person came to Imam Ali (AS), thinking that since Imam Ali thinks he is too smart, I'll ask him such a tough question that he won't be able to answer it and I'll have the chance to embarrass him in front of all the Arabs.
He asked "Imam Ali, tell me a number, that if we divide it by any number from 1-10 the answer will always come in the form of a whole number and not as a fraction."

Imam Ali (AS) looked back at him and said, "Take the number of days in a year and multiply it with the number of days in a week and you will have your answer."

The Jewish person got astonished but as he was a polytheist (Mushrik), he still didn't believe Imam Ali ibn Abu Talib (AS) He calculated the answer Imam Ali ibn Abu Talib (AS) gave him.

To his amazement he came across the following results:
The number of Days in a Year = 360 (in Arab)
The Number of Days in a Week = 7

The product of the two numbers = 2520

Now...
2520 ÷ 1 = 2520
2520 ÷ 2 = 1260
2520 ÷ 3 = 840
2520 ÷ 4 = 630
2520 ÷ 5 = 504
2520 ÷ 6 = 420
2520 ÷ 7 = 360
2520 ÷ 8 = 315
2520 ÷ 9 = 280
2520 ÷ 10= 252

Imam Ali's Mathematical Brilliance: DIVIDING 17 CAMELS

A person was about to die, and before dying he wrote his Will which went as follows:
"I have 17 Camels, and I have three sons. Divide my Camels in such a way that my eldest son gets half of them, the second one gets 1/3rd of the total and my youngest son gets 1/9th of the total number of Camels."

After his death when the relatives read his will they got extremely perplexed and said to each other that how can we divide 17 camels like this.
So after a long hard thought they decided that there was only one man in Arabia who could help them: "Imam Ali (AS)."

So they all came to the door of Imam Ali (AS) and put forward their problem.
Imam Ali (AS) said, "Ok, I will divide the camels as per the man's will."

Imam Ali (AS) said, "I will lend one of my camels to the total which makes it 18 (17+1=18), now lets divide as per his will."
The eldest son gets 1/2 of 18 = 9
The second one gets 1/3 of 18 = 6
The youngest gets 1/9 of 18 = 2
Now the total number of camels = 17 (9+6+2=17)

Then Imam Ali (AS) said, "Now I will take my Camel back."

Imam Ali's Mathematical Brilliance: THE FIVE LOAVES OF BREAD

Zarr Bin Hobeish relates this story: Two travelers sat together on the way to their destination to have a meal. One had five loaves of bread. The other had three. A third traveler was passing by and at the request of the two joined in the meal.

The travelers cut each of the loaf of bread in three equal parts. Each of the travelers ate eight broken pieces of the loaf.

At the time of leaving the third traveler took out eight dirhams and gave to the first two men who had offered him the meal, and went away. On receiving the money the two travelers started quarrelling as to who should have how much of the money.

The five-loaf-man demanded five dirhams. The three-loaf-man insisted on dividing the money in two equal parts.

The dispute was brought to Imam Ali (AS) (the Caliph of the time in Arabia) to be decided.
Imam Ali (AS) requested the three-loaf-man to accept three dirhams, because five-loaf-man has been more than fair to you. The three-loaf-man refused and said that he would take only four dirhams.

At this Imam Ali (AS) replied, "You can have only one dirham." You had eight loaves between yourselves. Each loaf was broken in three parts. Therefore, you had 24 equal parts. Your three loaves made nine parts out of which you have eaten eight portions, leaving just one to the third traveler. Your friend had five loaves which divided into three made fifteen pieces.

He ate eight pieces and gave seven pieces to the guest. As such the guest shared one part from your loaves and seven from those of your friend. So you should get one dirham and your friend should receive seven dirhams.

Imam Ali's Answering Difficult Questions : EARS INSIDE AND OUTSIDE


One day another Jewish person came to Imam Ali (AS). He was planning to ask Imam Ali (AS) such a question, which would take Imam Ali (AS) a long time to answer and because of that his Maghrib Prayers would be delayed.
He asked, "Imam Ali you say you know everything in the world, then tell me which animals lay eggs and which animals give birth to their young ones."

Imam Ali (AS) looked back at him smiled and said, "The animals who have their 'EARS' outside their body give birth to their young ones and the animals who have their 'EARS' inside their body lay eggs."

Aik Baat Kahoon ?
Aik Baat Kahoon Agar Suntey Ho ?
Tum Mujh Ko Achey Lagtey Ho

Kuch Chanchal Se , Kuch Chup Chup Se
Kuch Pagal Pagal Lagtey Ho

Hain Chahney Waaley Aur Buhut
Par Tum Mein Hai Aik Baat Buhat.......
Tum Apney Apney Lagtey Ho

Aik Baat Kahoon Agar Suntey Ho ?
Tum Mujh ko achey lagtey ho

Yeh Baat Baat Pe Kho Jaana
Kuch Kehtey Kehtey Ruk Jaana

Yeh Kiss Uljhan Mein Rehtey Ho....?
Kiya Baat Hai Hum Se Keh Daalo

Aik Baat Kahoon Agar Suntey Ho ?
Tum Mujh Ko Achey Lagtey Ho

Since last night my young son has been unwell. When I got back from work this evening I decided to take him to hospital despite my exhaustion.

There were many waiting; perhaps we will be delayed by more than an hour. I took my number and sat down in the waiting room. There were many faces, young and old, but all silent. Some brothers! made use of the many booklets available in the waiting room. Some of those waiting had their eyes closed, while others were looking around. Most were bored. Once in a while the long silence was broken by a nurse calling out a number. Happiness appears on the one whose turn it is, and he gets up quickly; then silence returns.

A young man grabbed my attention. He was reading a pocket-sized Qur`an continuously; not raising his head even once. At first I did not think much about him. However, after one hour of waiting my casual glances turned into a deep reflection about his lifestyle and how he utilizes his time. One hour of life wasted! Instead of making benefit of that hour, it was just a boring wait.

Then the call for prayer was made. We went to prayer in the hospital's mosque. I tried to pray close to the man who was reading the Qur`an earlier in the waiting room. After the prayer I walked with him. I informed him of how impressed I was of him and how he tries to benefit from his time. He told me that most of our time is wasted without any benefit. These are days that go from our lives without being conscious of them or regretting their waste. He said that he started carrying the pocket-sized Qur`an around when a friend encouraged him to make full use of his time. He told me that in the time other people waste he gets to read much more of the Qur`an than he gets to read either at home or in the mosque. Moreover, besides the reward of reading the Qur`an, this habit saves him from boredom and stress. He added that he has now been waiting for one and a half hours. Then he asked, when will you find one and a half hours to read the Qur`an?

I reflected; How much time do we waste? How many moments of our lives pass by, and yet we do not account for how they passed by? Indeed, how many months pass by and we do not read the Qur`an? I came to respect my companion, and I discovered that I am to stand for account and that time is not in my hand; so what am I waiting for? My thoughts were interrupted by the nurse calling out my number; I went to the doctor. But I want to achieve something now. After I left the hospital I quickly went to the bookshop and bought a pocket-sized Qur`an. I decided to be mindful of how I spend the time.

Our Prophet (Sallallaahu 'Alaihi Wa Sallam) said; "Whoever guides or directs to good, then he gets the same amount of blessing (reward) as the one who does it" The Prophet (Sallallaahu 'Alaihi Wasallam) also said "Pass on knowledge from me even if it is only one verse"

Guest Author Louise Fletcher founded Blue Sky Résumés after leaving a 15 year HR career. Her company provides job search coaching and résumé writing services to senior executives and arts, entertainment and creative professionals. She is a Certified Professional Resume Writer and a member of the Professional Resume Writers Association, the Career Masters Institute and Society for Human Resources Management.


You know the feeling. You spend hours, or even days, creating a résumé. You pore over every word of your cover letter and agonize over what to say in your email. Then you hit ‘send’ and wait. And wait. And wait. No one calls. No one writes.

You don’t know if anyone even saw your résumé. When this happens, it’s easy to get dejected and worry that employers are not interested in you. Don’t! Remember, they haven’t met you. They have only seen your résumé and that may be the problem.

An overwhelming majority of job seekers make basic mistakes with their résumés -­mistakes that ensure that they will not get the interviews they deserve. If you feel as though you’re sending your résumé into a black hole, try this ‘Ten Step Program’ to diagnose problems and get your résumé working for you.

1. Is your résumé the right length?

You may have heard that your résumé should fit on one page. This is nonsense. Recruiter or hiring managers don’t care if your résumé is one or two pages long. But they do care whether it is easy to read and gives key information upfront. Your résumé can be one, two, or (occasionally) even three pages. The only rule is that the length should be appropriate for you. If in doubt follow the (very general) rule of thumb that less than 5 years experience probably only requires one page and more than that may need two.

2. Does your résumé clearly position you as someone who can meet the needs of the employer?

Think of a résumé as an advertisement for a product, only this time the product is you. Just like any other advertisement, positioning is everything. The person who receives your résumé will scan it quickly perhaps for no more than 20 seconds to determine whether you can help her company. Your job is to say quickly, clearly and loudly that you can!

Don’t just launch into a chronology of your career history. Instead, determine your own positioning by spelling out your message at the start of the résumé and giving the reader your version of events upfront. For this reason, you should use the first 1/3 of your résumé to create a compelling personal profile which highlights your key strengths in an attractive, easy-to-read format.

3. Does your résumé begin with an objective?

Don’t start with an objective. Recruiters and hiring managers don’t like them because they focus on the needs of the job seeker rather than the needs of the potential employer. Consider this objective statement: “Seeking a software engineer position with a progressive employer where I can contribute to the development of new technologies and work with bright, committed people.”

This may be very honest but it is irrelevant to the reader, who does not care what you want and only cares what you have to offer. Instead of an objective, try using a positioning statement that clearly and concisely explains what you have to offer.

“Senior Software Engineer with 10 years experience developing leading-edge technologies.”

Now the reader can immediately see your value to the company. (For even greater impact, tailor this statement for each position so that the reader immediately sees a match between his/her needs and your skills.)

4. Does your résumé contain specifics?

You must place your achievements in context by providing specifics. For example, don’t say something vague like “contributed to product design.” This tells the employer nothing about your actual contribution. Instead be specific about what you did: “Conducted market analysis for (name of product) to determine design and mechanics. Led changes to original design spec. despite initial developer objections. Received critical acclaim and sold over 4 million units.” See how being specific makes a difference? This level of detail shows the reader the contributions you have made in the past (and therefore the contributions you can be expected to make in the future.)

5. Have you outlined achievements as well as responsibilities?


Don’t provide a laundry list of responsibilities without showing what results you achieved. Most employers already know what the main responsibilities of your job were. They want to know what makes you different from all the other applicants. An effective résumé summarizes job responsibilities in a few sentences and then provides details of quantifiable achievements.

Focus most of your résumé on the results you accomplished, not the regular duties of your job.


6. Are there any typos?

Your résumé has to be perfect. Proofread it over and over again. When you are sure it’s perfect, have other people proof it! If even one word is misspelled the reader will assume that you didn’t know how to spell the word (this is bad) or that you didn’t care (this is even worse!) Nothing puts the reader off more quickly than misspellings or typos.

7. Is the résumé easy to read?


At least 50% of the impact of your résumé derives from design. A strong résumé design will pull the eye through the document, making it easy to keep reading and will highlight your key strengths clearly. But if your résumé is badly laid out, disorganized or hard to read, it will be discarded before the reader knows how qualified you are.

To see examples of how to lay out your résumé, go to the library or bookstore and look in the career section. You will find collections of sample résumés. Take time to understand how the page has been laid out and then apply what you’ve learned to your résumé.

8. Have you listed irrelevant information?


Don’t list your hobbies unless they directly support your qualifications for the position. Don’t detail your marital status or the number of children you have. Don’t mention non-professional affiliations such as political or religious volunteer work unless it directly relates to the position you are applying for. Any personal information runs the risk of turning the reader off. However proud you are of personal achievements, you should not run the risk of alienating someone before you even have your foot in the door.

9. Are you too modest?

Don’t be uncomfortable about blowing your own trumpet. Too many people play down their achievements. While you should never exaggerate on a résumé, you should definitely take credit for the things you’ve accomplished. Some people feel uncomfortable boasting on paper preferring to explain in an interview. But if your résumé doesn’t spark interest, you may never get that opportunity, so don’t be modest!

10. Have you created an internet-ready version of résumé?

If you have to post your résumé online, or apply to a job via an online system, you will need to convert your résumé to a text-only format. If you don’t do this, your résumé will be almost impossible to read because most online systems cannot support the type of formatting used in a résumé (bold, italics, bullet points, lines etc.)

"Happy New Year"  

Muharram 1428
(The First Month of Islamic Calendar)

Reminds us the Great Sacrifice of Hadrath Hussain and his Family, may Allah be pleased with all of them. Theirs was the True Jihad for the cause of Truth and Justice. We should learn the lessons of courage, patience and perseverance

*** *** ***

Wishing you a warm and prosperous Happy New Year & we pray for all Humanity and in particular Muslim Ummah for the Peace, Stability & Dignity. (Ameen)